


The Missing Harry Potter and his Taxi Driver Aunt

by playwithfire



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dark, Horror, Plot Twists, Short One Shot, casual mispellings, dudley is a dumbass, if you don't do body horror/gore then this is not for you, marge is unfortunately skilled at what she does, petunia Doesn't Know, the ending isn't too detailed, the sequel will be though, there's mentions of child abuse because the dursleys are genuinely bad people, vernon is actively malicious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:09:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29359290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playwithfire/pseuds/playwithfire
Summary: Harry hasn't been seen in four years, and of course people only check on him when the Hogwarts letters go unresponded to.("Good evening, young Mr. Dursley. I only have a couple questions for you.""Who are you? How did you get in my house? Why is that feather moving on its own?""Magic, young one. Now, I've already asked your parents a few questions about your cousin.""What, you mean Harry? I don't know where he is, haven't seen him in years. Can you go away?""All in due time, my boy. Now, I know you only have one other blood relative who was aware of Harry's... situation with your family. Tell me, what do you think of your Aunt Marge?")
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16
Collections: Harry Potter





	The Missing Harry Potter and his Taxi Driver Aunt

**Author's Note:**

> 'lo. don't read this if you're sensitive to body horror, gore, child abuse, and other such matters. most of it is mild/mentioned, but the warning still stands  
> thanks for being sensible :)

I didn’t really like Aunt Marge.

Her dogs were kinda cool, but she worked as a taxi driver, or something, I don't know. Her house decor used to weird me out. Also a lot of her dogs were gone when we visited the last time- died, I think. We don’t go there anymore, so I don’t think she knows what happened.

Mum used to be really weirded out by her. Said it was “perverted” and “unnatural” and “freakish”, the things she did. 

Of course, when Harry was still around, those complaints were drowned out pretty quickly.

What? Because she always called Harry a freak, obviously. And I don’t really blame her, the things he did were _so_ weird. I can’t tell you how many times he changed the cupboard door color, or teleported away whenever we tried to play with him. Don’t try to tell me anything like that is even close to normal.

  
Right, when I saw him last. Uh, I think we were seven? So four years ago, yeah, right before we moved away. He did something that _really_ pissed Dad off- I think he burnt the eggs, maybe?- and instead of beating him up like he normally did, Dad said something like “I’m done with putting up with your freakishness, you’re coming with me!” And then he hauled him into the car and drove off and that was the last I saw of him. 

And don’t tell Mum this, but I personally think good riddance. I liked that I didn’t have to do chores, but it was annoying having to put up with him all the time. Now we have a maid and a bigger house and a new SNES, isn’t that awesome!

Yeah, that’s my old address. 

Well, if you have a tracker on him, you should be able to find him. 

There’s no way he’s in that house! I didn’t see him at all before we moved, he wasn’t talking or making noises or cooking lunch or _anything._ No, there’s no chance. You’re wrong!

Pssh, Harry didn’t sleep in a second bedroom, he slept in the cupboard! Or outside, depending on if he didn’t weed Mum’s gardens well enough.

The one under the stairs, duh. 

What do you mean, there’s no cupboard the- ohh. Yeah, I remember Dad was doing something while Mum and I were packing. It was really dusty down there one night, lots of powder and water spilled on the ground. I remember I snuck downstairs to get some of my Halloween candy and Dad was dragging something in a garbage bag inside. He saw me coming down and said I could have any ice cream I wanted for breakfast if I didn’t tell Mum, and I said that I would have it every day for a week and then we’d have a deal, and we shook on it.

Of _course_ I didn’t tell Mum. Dad said he didn’t want any bad memories, so he was sealing it up, and it was a surprise for her. He didn’t talk about it at all after. Can you hurry it up already? I really have to get back to my game.

I woke up the next morning and Dad and Mum were putting new wallpaper in the hallway, even on top of where the cupboard was, and then we left and now we live here. There, are you done _now_?

Finally, now go away and leave us alone. Weirdo.

  
  
  
  


\---

  
  
  
  


Mad-Eye Moody still wanted nothing more than to throttle the whale of a boy. Even reading the transcript of the interview was infuriating, he’s got no idea how Dumbledore had put up with talking to the kid for that long.

Grunting, he shoves open the door to Number 4 Privet Drive. 

It’s derelict and dusty, a rotating door of new houseowners moving out thanks to bad luck or supernatural occurrences (not that any self-respecting, sane person would admit to such a thing, thank you very much). It currently lies uninhabited, smelling of mildew and shadows, and he casts a quick bubble-head charm.

“Cupboard under the stairs, eh?” Auror Trainee Tonks mutters, sounding bitter they hadn't found the spot when they'd ransacked the place last week. Moody nods, whips his wand out, and yells a quick “ _Bombartutus!”_ at the wall. 

Small explosions rip open the wallpaper, then pound against the long-dried concrete filling up the _tiny_ space; chipping away until the first sign of black plastic bag is visible. 

  
With practiced ease becoming increasingly unsettled by the prospect of what he might find, he traces his wand slowly, and slashes the spell’s end when the stone around the bag has been fully destroyed.

  
  


From behind him, Robards levitates the bag slowly to the floor. Moody nods the Auror thanks and uses a quiet _Diffindo_ to slice through the multiple layers of duct tape and plastic. 

  
A jar with cloudy liquid rolls out, and Tonks quickly rights it without a second glance.

  
As one, the three lean over the bag.

And as Tonks runs outside to vomit and Robards starts yelling bloody murder, Moody staggers backwards- looking between glassy green eyes embedded in grey skin, and the gelatinous, stringy spheres in the jar- instinctively correcting the child's statement in his mind.

  
  
  


_Not “taxi driver”._

**_Taxidermist._ **

**Author's Note:**

> notifications make me smile, no joke. you should leave me one, i'll write revenge soon :)


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